Thursday, October 6, 2011

Old Habits Die Hard

Hello everyone!

My post yesterday was about how good it feels to not count calories and what not. However, that is only HALF the battle.

I am still fighting the other half. What is that, you may ask?

Cravings. Temptation. BOREDOM EATING. Call it what you want, in a nutshell eating foods that are no good for me out of sheer "pleasure". 

All day today, yesterday, Hell, since I started changing my eating habits, I have been thinking about eating one thing in particular- Curly Fries. Seasoned, delicious, cute curly fries. 

"But you feel so good eating healthy! Why would you want to even IMAGINE eating trash like that?" you may be asking. 

Well, changing your lifestyle is not an easy thing. After having been eating lots of junk food, fast food, food eaten solely for the reason that it tastes good, eaten solely out of boredom, out of "stress", taking that away is sort of giving me a mental shock. A lot of people self-medicate with food too. I did. I went through a lot of hard times in my life, and when I was at my lowest point, I thought at least FOOD would make me feel better. And it did. Until I started gaining weight, feeling sick/tired.  When my hard times were behind me, that nasty habit still stuck.  Sure, those events that passed had passed, but now I have a very LOW level of self esteem.  I wasn't big my whole life. At one point I was actually pretty slender.

I am not obsessing over calories. Nope. I'm obsessing (and trying not to) over eating something delightfully fried and tasty with no regard to how it will (not) fuel my body.  I relate it to other kinds of addicts when they go cold turkey. They go through withdrawls. Mental, physical, both, depends on what they are kicking.  Despite wanting to break free from the desire, it's hard work.

In my case, it is actually BOTH. However, the withdrawls symptoms in this case are not always BAD.

Mental- the withdrawls from the bad food are sucking. It's somewhat consuming my thoughts. ESPECIALLY since I am at school for most of my weekdays, surrounded by people constantly eating the crap and bored out of my mind. And I smell it. And wish for it. And at the same time I feel fucking horrible about it, like I am some kind of animal with no control over its appetite. It sucks. I know it will pass, but right now, it's SUCKING. Nobody said this was easy.  Idle hands are the fast food industry's playground.

Physical- Here's the not so bad withdrawls- (WARNING- TMI ALERT!) A less bloated belly. The ability to go to the bathroom (poop not pee) 2-3 times a day and not having horrible Irritable Bowel symptoms or not being able to go at all for days.  More energy in the morning. WEIGHT LOSS.

I know this will be a struggle for a while. These habits just don't disappear overnight like a bad one night stand. If anyone tells you "Oh after ONE DAY I never want that food again! EVER!!!" they are either a dirty liar, not human, or had some kind of HORRIBLY disgusting, traumatic experience with said food.

I appreciate all of your support, and I offer mine as well. Have a wonderful day and be good to yourself.

1 comment:

  1. It is indeed a learning process, and takes time. I'm am going through a similar learning process using the book "women food and god" and "breaking free from emotional eating" as my guide. Good luck to you.